Sometimes, I catch myself thinking: Ah, I haven't updated or posted anything of use lately. It's...bad habit, from when I prescribed a lot of my self-worth to how frequently I posted work online.

In some sense, this blog entry is a momentary weakness in some regards -- I was thinking, "I've been quite busy these last few weeks, with a lot of important business in real life. I wish I had something useful, cool, or interesting to share". Then I laughed at myself, because it was such a ridiculous thought. What do I have to prove? It's a little frightening how pervasive that mentality had gotten, in my mind, but I'm also glad to acknowledge it and...I guess, hopefully try to avert that sort of thinking.

- 01.25.2022

In the process of moving all of my books to a shelf as mentioned in the earlier blog post, I thought, "I love all these books dearly, but when was the last time I read one?"

With this in mind, I thought it would be a nice thing to read every book on my shelf again. And while taking a break from work, I picked up my copy of Yotsuba&! Vol 3. It was printed in 2005, I'm startled but pleased I still have the copy.

I've always loved Kiyohiko Azuma's work, especially his linework and art style. It was always very appealing, with a certain similar quality that ligne claire tends to evoke for me.

But what blew my mind this time around was...as I was reading through the first chapter -- the back of the car which Asagi's friend, Torako, drove, looked awfully familiar...I paused, flipping pages forward, before realizing Torako drove a 1st gen Fiat Panda 4x4! The realization made me laugh; the Panda is a very cute car I've become fond of recently, and so that Mr. Azuma thought to put it in his manga as well made me grin. Maybe he also likes the car, or maybe Japan just has a lot more Fiat Pandas. I seem to recall them being popular over there.

It was a delightful discovery that had overlooked when I first purchased the book way back then, but it also really took me back to some pleasant memories of when I first picked up the book as well. I think it will be a nice exercise, slowly revisiting these books I've kept with me, some for nearly two decades now; I am looking forward to any further discoveries in the process.

"Fun" Fact: The Panda is not actually named for the fuzzy animal, but the Roman goddess Empanda.

- 01.20.2022

Moved recently; the new neighborhood is full of birds. I'm able to take walks again in relative solitude. My previous residence was rather automotive-heavy, so it was difficult to want to walk anywhere.

There are some things I miss about living in large cities, like being able to walk to get groceries, or have many stores in walking distance. Urban areas are a little troubled like that I think, there's a struggle to make it a place that is liveable and comfortable. The conveniences are great, but the tradeoff can be draining.

Many of my decorations are still unpacked, the walls are very empty. I'd like to buy more furniture -- a leather armchair, a reading lamp, a side table, some bookshelves that are a bit more minimal/lightweight. Maybe, if I'm being extra indulgent, a small standing bar. More importantly though, I'd like a little side table for all my tea/coffee needs. A coffee bar, haha.

I'd also like to figure out the situation for my other belongings - the first being my DJ controller, a little toy I bought a while back that I haven't had the chance to use as much due to limited surface space. Perhaps a small folding table, for that. I'd also like to use my typewriter more often, perhaps it and the DJ controller can take turns on the table.

Storage and shelves...I don't have much of that right now, so eventually I'll have to figure out that situation. I'll probably be setting up my cheap bookshelf up soon, so maybe that will free up some extra storage space for all the books that are currently just sitting in the closet.

It's unusual to write plain journals like this. I had intended to write something more introspective and deep today, but ended up deciding...it might not hurt to just memorialize some simpler things too.

- 01.20.2022

If Tracey had a leitmotif, it would be the end result of me ripping out just the synthesizer (?) parts of ABBA - Lay All Your Love On Me and throwing it in an air fryer.

Had time to start work on this RIDICULOUS shimeji I promised myself I would make and complete this year. It IS a technically easy task, but I am still happy at all to finally be started. It is currently being worked on in Clip Studio Paint vs the usual Ph0toshop, using a lot of the VECTOR LAYERS. It is an improvement for workflow, even if the brushes are...meh.

Tomorrow is sadly a lot of very busy work, not the way one would ideally spend a weekend, but it will be worth it in the end.

In personal blogging: had a wonderful dinner with a friend, and had several pleasant chats with friends in general. What a change in tune from the last two years of general isolation!

- 01.14.2022

Got bit by the sketch bug. Admittedly this was an attempt to get re-acclimated to drawing again after doing nothing but lots of pixels for the last few days, and it certainly worked. In the past, I often felt I had to...be more performative in my sketches, I think. But I think this came out significantly rawer, and more natural for it. This is to say: I am pleased.

In other news, finished the design and code for a "projects" site. If you'd like to give it a gander, go say hello to The Unspeakable Sobriquet, NIGHTDRIFT for me.

Other things...I'd like to try make these blog entries...a little more intuitive to navigate. Not sure what the best options are yet, but I suppose that's something I'll look into once I have some free time. The beginning of this month has been pretty busy!

- 01.12.2022

- Closed out my Sp0tify subscription. I had been wanting to do this for some time, for the usual reasons, and I have finally gotten around to it!

- Creating a couple tiny pixel residents for funsies.

- I have been listening to a lot of tracks I used to really dig when I was first learning my genre preferences; they're still good. It got me reminiscing about owning digital/physical copies of music and actually...supporting artists more effectively, hence the whole Sp0tify thing. That was probably the impetus for it.

- I really want to try writing music soon lol.

- Spent most of today on the floor repainting the baseboard. My back is killing me but it was a nice day of work. If you, wandering reader, know of a way to paint baseboards that doesn't make your back want to die, I would be greatly pleased to know of it so I can use that technique the next time I perform such an undertaking.

- 01.08.2022

Hello again world. I'm feeling mellow once more, although this is probably because I recently went climbing for the first time in many weeks, and my body is comfortably sore from the workout.

Recently I had a small revelation that the art I created in 2020-2021, although being some of the works I was most proud of to date, was definitely a milestone and "turning point" of my creative work. The way I described it to a friend was that I had been building up to this moment for the last decade, honing my abilities in this very specific workflow. In short, though I felt highly fulfilled by what I had produced, this milestone and personal success now left a gaping hole in my self-narrative. I had reached a personal peak -- but now what? What was the point? Was I to continue creating art in this workflow forever? Sure, there would always be wiggle room to improve, but was it actually fun anymore?

A few nights ago I lay in bed pondering this, and it got me wondering why learning Blender and creating comics in a new workflow was so exciting to me. It also made me wonder why it was that the tiny pixels which I push around for this site were so fulfilling to do. It ended up boiling down to just...needing to do something different and new. I suppose I already subconsciously knew that the old way of doing things no longer would grant me as much personal fulfillment or progression for the time being, and that a new path forward would help me find greater joy in art. That is not to say that I would abandon the old methodology entirely, but it was just...it seemed so obvious after reflection, it made me wonder why I hadn't done it sooner. I do think I needed my time in 2020 going all-out to come to this conclusion, but I think it can be easy to play up to personal or audience expectations when you publish your work online. It is always easy to believe you are above this, but over time it can begin to creep in.

Anyways, I am mostly writing this as a response to the previous blog post I made about feeling restless LOL...I still feel antsy to get to creating some more fun stuff but I am currently more at ease after working through this thought. It is a little obvious in hindsight, but it feels like a thing to have to experience personally, rather than hear or witness from another.

To wandering websurfers, may your January be comfortable!

- 01.07.2022

Happy New Year, world! Today I am feeling mellow, but a little restless.

This is because there are a lot of things I want to do as usual. It's hard to pick which projects to invest in. I would really like to try make the GALLERY a 3D world a user could walk through. On the other hand though, I have not drawn a large illustration in a while, and I am starting to get antsy. I find that if I approach art while I am feeling a little off, it can negatively impact the final product though, so it might be prudent to try something new if I take that route.

Oh, on that note, I would like to link to some artists I have been enjoying!

SHINJI ENDO [mainichihizuke - DAILY DATE] This illustrator creates graphics for every day of the year, since 2014 -- very incredible. I am always amazed by the amount of creativity and style each graphic has. I also think the color combinations are very inventive and unique.

KAZAMI395 This illustrator does very beautiful and atmospheric digital paintings, I think that cloud renderings are some of their strongest suit. The usage of color and light are very appealing. The bunnies are especially cute.

There is not much going on from me, at this time. I have been spending most of my time on constructing this site. It has ultimately been a very meditative process, one that I find reassuring. It has become a nice routine in my day, but I do not want to forget my other projects, too. That said, I believe the break is important and good for me -- no hobby artist should be expected to churn out twenty different pieces within a month, especially if they have other things going on, and so, I would be happy if I only created one piece I was truly proud of each month.

- 01.04.2022